He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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