He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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