walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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