When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize