You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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