I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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