i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize