All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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