Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
