And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
