I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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