you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize