Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
