its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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