I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize