no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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