i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
