College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
