I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
