I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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