I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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