I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I supernannyed him into submission
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
