Little spoons don't ask big questions
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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