Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
