One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
