just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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