Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize