Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
