You just made me feel so damn special
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
