I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
