Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
