ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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