Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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