I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
