i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
my liver is dry heaving
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
