just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
