How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i out mim tonsoeep
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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