i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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