Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
