Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
