If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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