I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
