giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
