Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
