My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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