3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The Olympian is in my bed
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
