your parents love me but you hate me
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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