he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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