and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
