you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
