I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
