so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
