My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
