last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
