I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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