Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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