Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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