doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
