I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
