This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
