I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
