Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
