thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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