took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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