problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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