grandma shit on top of the toilet
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm both gender and math confused
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
