It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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