I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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