my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
