omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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