I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
