I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
