I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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