he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
