??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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