I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
