yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
