So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm both gender and math confused
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
