Whod you bang
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize