Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
