I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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