my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
farters have to be the big spoon...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize