I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
