Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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