why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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