As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
