So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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