can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
