Life is so much better after having sex.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When did angry sex become our thing?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
