i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
