when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
