I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
