I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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