a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
