Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
