3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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