There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
