took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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