Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
