hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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