I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
