I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
