I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize