I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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