I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
