That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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