I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
