How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
