Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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