I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize