The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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