I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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