my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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