i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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