so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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