There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
