do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
