i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
