i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
