i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
