I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
