I CAN MOONWALK!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
