Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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